MEASURE of BEAUTY

"ONE SEES CLEARLY ONLY WITH THE HEART. ANYTHING ESSENTIAL IS INVISIBLE TO THE EYES." ~the little prince~

I know a lot of my gal pals have been struggling over the past couple months with everything from they way they look, boys, the fact that we're all turning 30 and not married, not being where they want to be, and life in general. I wish I could exclude myself from this but I can't.

Almost 2 weeks ago I was having a good day at work. I didn't have to start over on my project(yay!) and was counting down the minutes to pole class. I get to pole and everything changed when I got there. It turned into one of those days where I couldn't do anything. I hated being in class with all my Soiree Sisters and their perfect little bodies and amazing talent. All I could think of was, "What the hell am I doing here? I hate looking at myself in this dippy mirror in my tiny under armor shorts and tank top. It's the most uncomfortable 90 minutes I have to deal with everyday! Honestly, I'm not that good at this anyway. I might as well get my boob reduction now, take some time off, and have a crappy summer of recovery instead of waiting until the fall because Foxxy and I both know deep down that I'm really not going to dance in the recital in July no matter how much she wants me to and that's basically the only reason why I'm waiting and now I have a billion new bruises on my legs cause I was born with all this crappy strawberry skin and blah blah blah!".

It was a pretty intense internal struggle that lasted all night! Because, As fate would have it the Studio was hosting a "Ladies Night" at the Hotel Club and set up some portable poles there. Instead of having a super fun time will all my girls I sat in the corner being pissed off all night! HOLA.... FOR SHAME!!!!

I decided that I needed to take a week off pole to get out of this dark place. So, on one of my lunch breaks that week I decided to go jean shopping. Wow, BAD IDEA!!! Jean shopping blows! Who invented jeans anyway? They aren't that comfortable to wear. Long story short, it ended in disaster! My butt is too flat, thighs are way too chubby, and I'm too short! Lucky for me my Soiree Sisters were very helpful in recommending some brands that I might like. I'll probably attempt the whole jean shopping thing again this weekend! We shall see...

All of this kind of happened at a weird time. For the past few weeks I'd been thinking a lot about beauty. What is it? Who defines it? How do I become it? Why is it so important to be beautiful? I read a lot of different definitions of beauty and I didn't like any of them. I've decided it's one of those words, like LOVE or PERFECT, that means something different to everyone.

On that same day of my awful jean shopping, Rina posted this quote on her FB: "When a woman believes that she is beautiful the way she is, and that her worth is about what is inside her more than her looks, the cycle will be broken. Women are influenced by other women, mother to daughter, sister to sister, friend to friend. One woman can make the world of difference in her community." ~Stephanie Heart~

The next day, my Rina girl, posted this on FB too! She always post inspiring stuff and this one might be my favorite so far!

"I am in deep thought about beauty. REAL BEAUTY.I am once again stunned at how I may or may not see it in myself, in others, and in the world. Why is it so much easier to, when we choose, see it outside of ourselves and not from with in?? I am so blown away at this time of being bald and breastless. So wide open and vulnerable. It is teaching me about how many shields I carry,what I hide behind, and how much I want to have compassion for this external vehicle driving my Spirit. More importantly I want to recognize my TRUE SELF. I am not my hair, my breasts, my ass, my house, car, etc. Where and Why have we as a culture made this so damn important? It does not define us. WE are Spiritual Beings having many human experiences. I need and want to remember this. As I am faced with choices reconstruction...to be or not to be? Why? I pray to be happy just as I am, deep in my soul. No need to replace anything, or create another distraction or facade. 5-10 lbs won't make a difference, new boobs won't make a difference. Being compassionate with myself and others, seeing my light and loving it, witnessing your light and loving you, this is beauty. I want this for my daughters, sisters, sons, our men. I want to gift this real beauty to the world, so we can shine and continue to be in AWE of what God has given us, with an open beautiful heart! Thanks for witnessing." ~Wish I knew her name! What an inspiration to all~

Well, it was a humbling experience reading this and it was the perfect answer to what I had been thinking so much about. It's a good reminder to appreciate each other and what we bring to the world and to be okay with where we are in life. Even if you have bad days... have a bad day, dwell on it for a bit but get right back up! Foxxy always tells me I'm to hard on myself and it's true. It's something I'm working on! I am very grateful and blessed to have my family, friends and my Soiree Sisters in my life! Love you all so much!

"All beautiful you are my darling there is no flaw in you." ~ Song of Solomon 4:7~